That's what she called me, 'ticking time bomb' because she had to be careful around me just in case I exploded. The very person who I have been creeping around for years is scared of me. What is wrong with me? Have I become such a monster that the one person who I used to see as terrifying is afraid of me. I don't feel like I've changed, no one else says that I have so how come she is the only one who said this? I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the times I have failed you so completely that you probably wanted to disown me. If I can't even look at myself, how could I possibly expect anyone else too?
Reckless, that's how I feel, numb to my own moral judgements. Summed up in words I only heard last night as 'a walking contradiction,' I don't want anyone to worry about my self destruction, I don't want anyone see me disappear completely. But I want someone, anyone to notice, to see that I'm not okay just because I make myself seem so strong. Isn't it completely obvious that there is something that isn't right? I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
I'm so sorry.
From,
Dorcha Aingeal
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