I have some kind of complex where no matter what is happening, I always justify keeping to myself by thinking that everyone around me has so many problems that are worse than mine. That is the truth, but it doesn't really make sense when you spend your days drowning in blood and caffeine simply trying to function as a normal human being.
My relationship with food sucks, but as a teenage girl, isn't that almost considered normal by society? Everyone almost seems to regard it as a phase that everyone goes through at some point during their youth. I didn't know I would be throwing up four times a day, losing my voice and harboring an immense self hatred would last for over eight years of my life. I love to believe that moderation is a possibility, but day after day, that believe is tested and crushed with a strong reenactment of the everything or nothing mindset.
My work ethic sucks, I haven't completed a single day of homework for over a year, and I have never actually failed a subject. I repeatedly drive into my head that maybe studying will suddenly happen and I will actually gain some satisfaction from the end result. It's never happened. Not studying and not the satisfaction. Somehow, I have the belief that doing other people's assignments will make my own disappear. When they ace the subject I'm a left feeling ever so extremely disappointed in the fact that I could have submitted their work as my own, because it is...
As you can see I am a very typical teenager who has a fairly normal lack of motivation and seems to fail at life. My life sucks, but doesn't everyone's?
From,
Dorcha Aingeal
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